Short jokes
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.