Short jokes
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.