Short jokes
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Yo mama is so ugly, she is the reason Slenderman has no eyes.
I did a good job of being home from school.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.
I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
What is a sheep's favorite soccer player? Paul Pogbaaa.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?
Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?
What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.