Short jokes
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
Women be like men are trash, [but] forgets women raised those men.
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?
You were hit by a shockwave!
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.