Short jokes
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
Yo mama so fat, when she talks to herself, it’s a long-distance call.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
What do you call Joey in a room? Transgender.
Isn't there a software company named after your dick?
Microsoft?
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.
Why'd the emo have no friends?
"Because they like to hang by themself."
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"
The girl says, "Just like your face."
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Roses are red, clovers are green.
I love your legs and what's in between. LOL
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
The plane said to the tower, "You're so cute, I want to come crashing into your arms!"
What do orphans and homework have in common?
Everybody forgets about them.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.