Short jokes
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.