Short jokes
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
What did the rapper say when he lost his voice?
"I guess I'll have to drop a SILENT TRACK!"
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
What did one Koala say to the other?
"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
mnvsdvmsdnva.
Doin (DYM 4)
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
At the drive-thru window:
"I'd like a Big Mac without soup, please!"
"We don't serve soup here!"
"Well, I didn't order any!"
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Jeffrey Epstein was a disgusting person, but he could tie a good hangman's knot.