Short jokes
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.