Short jokes
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.