Short jokes
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."
Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.