Short jokes
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."
Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.