Short jokes

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

What did the fish get on his math test?

A sea plus.

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."

Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.

How do computers get drunk?

They take a screenshot.

Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.