Short jokes
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.