Short jokes
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.