Short jokes
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
Why are Americans so bad at class royals?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Why did the GG Miller say to the loser?
"This is a nice reflection!"
Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
What do you call angry midgets?
Short-tempered.
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
I am awesome, look at me!
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.
Bob the builder.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!