Short jokes
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.
Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.
Dee.
Long live the quee—Oh wait...
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.