Short jokes
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!