Short jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!
Remember the name Ben Andrews.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.