Short jokes
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
Racism.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
Iron jug.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
Do you play COC?
Because it’s a pretty good game.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.