Short jokes
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
Murueurx.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Who was Goldilocks' best friend?
Goldie.
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
What do you call Flapple asleep? A Napple.
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?
Palpatine: Review it.
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
4chan
What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?
They're both Headless.