My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Short Jokes
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of SHOE?
Ad-lib-idas.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
