Short jokes
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Alpha Kenny body?
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.