Short jokes

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

What type of bee can't make up his mind?

A maybe.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What competition do nuts participate in?

The peanut butter cup.

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

What do you call super expensive shoes?

Cashews.

The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

I want an almond-flavored biscuit.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

IBC.

IBC who?

I'll be seeing you later.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.