Short jokes

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

Why can orphans not get married?

They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!

A: Knock knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.

B: Package from Te-?

A: BOOM!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I have the best joke:

"You."

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night, day.

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!

Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?

Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

An acronym for penis is Proton-enhanced nuclear induction spectroscopy. So just remember, the word "nuclear" is part of a penis.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.