Short jokes
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.