Short jokes
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.