Short jokes
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.