Short jokes
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
Why did the blind man cross the road?
Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
mememe
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
Hi 👋 ooooo has tyyyyyyyyuyuyu
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.