Short jokes
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.