Short jokes
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.