Short jokes
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.