Short jokes
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.