Short jokes

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because its uncles were all aunts!

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

"It's time to come back." And the boat said,

"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.

Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?

Skittles.

What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.

Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.