Short jokes
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Deja-poo.
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
I like peanut butter and honey.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?