Short jokes
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"