Short jokes
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
My brother when he sees a girl.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
Depression :)
"Ukraine be like Escape to Witch Mountain!"
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.