Short jokes
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
Depression :)
"Ukraine be like Escape to Witch Mountain!"
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Me :D
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.