Short jokes
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...