Short jokes
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
Official orgasm donor.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Mpreg is hot af.
I love jacking off to mpreg.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?