Short jokes
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
What goes up and down and needs two people?
A seesaw.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Bro, WW2 was just a joke.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767?
A 797.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
What show do gay men watch?
"2 and a Half Men!"
Lol at this one fellas!
Hey daddy *winky face*
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!