Short jokes
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Cereal.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.