Short jokes
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.