Short jokes
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
She needs a flat surface cleaner.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
I have more cum in one testicle than you have in your whole penis.
What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
2001, Angry Birds was so amazing. Over 500 people in 2 birds.