Short jokes
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?
"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."
One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Yo hairline is built like the Mississippi River.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!