Short jokes
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.
If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
What did the koala do when he was too educated?
He ran away from koalapidia.
What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator π
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Midget
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.