Short jokes
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!