Short jokes
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
(6x9)+6+9=69
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!