Short jokes
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.