Short jokes
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.