Short jokes
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
I would say fly high to Kobe, but obviously he didn't...
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
What do you call an Indian going through the bins?
RUM-MAJINGG
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
Medusa makes men hard.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."