Short jokes
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.