Short jokes
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.