Short jokes
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.