Short jokes
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
SAVE ORPHAN JOKES! SAVE THEM!
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.