Short jokes
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
Mexican Comedy Week
Margarita Monday Taco Tuesday Wetback Wednesday Tequila Thursday Fiesta Friday Shake It Saturday Sneaky Sunday
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?
A biplane.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.