Short jokes
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
Look - it's the lake of whiz!!!
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."
I'm stumped.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.