Short jokes
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...