Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Short Jokes
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
SAVE ORPHAN JOKES! SAVE THEM!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
