Short jokes
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.