Short jokes

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)

Never mind. You won't understand.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.

What did the fat guy say to the tree?

"Get me some coconuts!"

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.