Short jokes
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
Like if you are a simp.
What do you call Snoop Dogg’s giant turd?
Poop Logg.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Where does a cow take his date?
Answer: To the moooooovies!
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.