Short jokes

I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

Mase looks like a fat gay dude.

England: No towers?

America: No queen?

England: Remember 1812?

America: No tea?

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

You signed up for football, but you're no good.

You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

The only thing longer than the Great Wall of China is your hairline.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.