Short jokes
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Yo mama so stupid,
she thought DUNKIN' DONUTS was a basketball team.
Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.
You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.
Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do you say to a black midget?
Wanna a shower? You look like you got splashed by a muddy puddle.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."