Short jokes
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Gnome.
I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Hoi!
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"