Short jokes
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
Is anyone going to Sawcon?
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.