Short jokes
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
When you tell an Asian kid itโs raining cats and dogs and heโs like, โJust open your mouth and close your eyes!โ
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?
Which animal is the least trustworthy?
What do rednecks find when they research their family tree?
Their INCESTors!
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."
(I'm a trans man myself lol)
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
How did the cookie ๐ช feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."