Short jokes
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
Yo mamma is so ugly, even Ripley wouldn't believe it.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."
Does that dick match that forehead? 👀
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."