Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Short Jokes
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
