Short jokes
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
You're a bish, and you are too!
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
My mental health.
Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"
No, you!
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
My acquaintance, William.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.