Short jokes
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.