Short jokes
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?
He was snowed in.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."