Short jokes
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
It's a RUF life in Africa.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Mathew is gay. Clap.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.