Short jokes
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
The person who is reading this.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Please, can someone comment on this post to explain what satisfaction you get from joking about such serious issues?
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
What did one statue say to another statue? "Hey! Is that you?"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
How does the Eskimo make a house of cards?
Igloos it.