Short jokes
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
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Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.