Short jokes
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
What did the baritone say to the alto?
Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
What do you call a blonde?
A piss-head.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."