Short jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
kys
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Asshole.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.