Short jokes
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
Sixteen Sodium particles walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Hippity hoppity, Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!