Short jokes
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"
Orphan; "Stop calling here!"
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
"Dustin Jordan Manna should have been an abortion."
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.