Short jokes
Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
RAID HIM https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZEAEVyTsAdnjawrdCkDu-A/videos
Bust it open for Jesus!
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Keep calm and curry on!
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
"Are you related to Yoda?"
"Because yo-delicious!"
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!