Short jokes
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Corn and corn, where is popcorn?
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.