Short jokes

Most of the jokes are trash.

Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

None of these are even funny. Just stupid.

Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"

Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Natyourcheese.

Natyourcheese who?

Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!

Couy.

What goes "Ooooooo"?

A cow with no lips.

I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?

A: You're the chairman of the board!

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.